‘You are such a good listener.” “Thank you for listening to me.” “You remind me of my son.” These are a sample of things I hear from patients, friends, and acquaintances on a regular basis. My listening skills are likely the largest contributing factor to attaining buy-in, building rapport, and establishing connections. Listening is essential if you want people to like you. And if they don’t like you, well, good luck! But I wasn’t always this way. When I was a young buck, I was shy, quiet, and unsure of myself. I most certainly had friends, but most connections were superficial. Because I was quiet, many times when I spoke in a group my words would go ignored. I struggled to form the deep bonds that we as humans crave. A lack of connection can create a void within us. I wanted that void to fill, so I desperately needed to cultivate a skill. I didn’t need to talk louder, assert myself, or become the most interesting man in the world. I needed to listen.
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Recognizing and Changing Nonverbal Communication Disorders: An Interaction Approach
I was at my local coffee shop the other day chatting with my barista as she prepared my drink. Once it was all said and done and I paid, she wished that I had a glorious day. Glorious is not a word you hear often and definitely caught me ear. You might even say it was salient! I have this thing when someone uses an uncommon descriptor. When this occurs, I typically try to use an even more ridiculous descriptor. I especially like to apply this method to wish someone a better day than I. For example: Joe Blow: “You have a good day.” Me: “You have an even better day.” Glorious is a bit more difficult to top, but in the blink of an eye I was able to respond: “You have a splendiferous day.” Stupid? Yes. Did I get a laugh and a smile? Absolutely. Me doing this silly little thing with people is irrelevant. What is relevant is the speed that I was able to apply this quip. I spouted this word quickly because it fit a common pattern. Pattern recognition is huge in athleticism, medicine, and a multitude of other life facets. But how often do we think of pattern recognition when we interact with individuals? Being able to differentiate what both verbal and nonverbal communication one uses is critical in ensuring a favorable interaction with someone. And if your patient or client doesn’t like you? Fugetaboutit. Let’s look at a very common pattern that if you allow
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